Stress, restless kids stealing sleep? Self-compassion could unlock better shut-eye for parents
As a psychologist working with families on the NDIS, Katie Newman could see parents “crumbling” as they managed children’s complex needs around work, family and life pressures.
“It came up time and again, ‘we’re just so burnt out'.
“For me, just saying ‘get more sleep’ wasn’t a practical solution, and frustration around disrupted sleep was adding to the burden,” she explained.
The Melbourne mum of two, who has spent plenty of exhausted nights managing sleep-resistant kids, looked to science for an alternative.
Emerging evidence of a gentle solution is the basis of her CQUniversity PhD: how self-compassion could improve interventions for parents of children with sleep problems.
Critical downtime, kind self-talk
While sleep plays a vital role in overall health and wellbeing, CQUniversity research shows 40 per cent of Australians do not achieve the recommended 7-9 hours of sleep daily.
Meanwhile, managing sleep can be one of the most demanding changes for new parents.
“Even worse, emerging research shows that when children have sleep issues, and that results in parent sleep problems, the parent’s experience can contribute to the development and persistence of sleep issues in children – essentially, it’s a vicious cycle,” Katie explained.
“Unfortunately, that is not helpful information when you’re lying awake, and mentally screaming at yourself to go to sleep!”
Katie says a process of self-compassionate thinking could reduce both biophysiological arousal and psychological arousal, and bring on a better sleep.
Shared experience
For her research, Katie is seeking Australian parents to anonymously complete a survey about their children’s sleep, their own sleep, and their levels of self-compassion.
“This study aims to understand how self‑compassion could support parents’ sleep and wellbeing, and input from parents is central to shaping practical support,” she said.
Parents of children aged 1 to 6 years, who have concerns about sleep, can share their experiences in CQUniversity’s sleep and self-compassion survey.
Scientific examination of self-compassion has only emerged in the past 15 years, and the tool may be a psychological resource that helps parents.
The basic premise involves treating yourself with understanding and kindness during difficulty, a practice that sounds simple but doesn’t come naturally for most people.
Research indicates people tend to be harsher on themselves during stress or failure than they are towards others.
But cultivating self-compassion – developing a calm, safe inner-dialogue and reducing self-criticism and shame – has been shown to improve mental and physical wellbeing, while reducing anxiety, depression, and stress.
“We know that heightened cognitive activity before sleep, like worry or self-criticism, actually disrupts your ability to fall asleep and stay sleeping – and especially after challenging days, and difficult bedtimes with children, these feelings can be hard to overcome,” Katie said.
“I want parents to know that a mindset shift might be an effective strategy to make real physical differences for their bodies, and for their sleep – and give them science-backed tools to do it.”
Katie completed her Bachelor of Psychological Science (Honours) with CQU across 2020-21, then began her PhD in 2022.
The sleep and self-compassion survey takes 15-20 minutes to complete, and participants go in the draw to win a $100 gift card.
Katie’s research is with CQU’s Appleton Institute, where world-leading research supports health, wellbeing and safety of individuals, workplaces and communities.
