No one else to blame – bullies need to take responsibility

By Priscilla Roberts

Bullying isn’t caused by circumstance – it’s a conscious choice, and only bullies themselves can choose to stop, according to CQUniversity Adjunct Senior Lecturer and author of Responsibility Theory® Dr Ragnar Purje.

In an article published in Psychology Today, Dr Purje argues that bullying is a destructive behaviour with serious psychological, physiological and social impacts – but it is ultimately driven by personal decisions.

“Bullying will stop when those who decide to bully make the conscious choice to stop,” Dr Purje said.

“The bully is the one making the choice to bully – and with that same choice, they can decide not to.”

Dr Purje says blaming others for harmful behaviour only perpetuates the problem, and that true change begins with self-responsibility.

“Choices are made in the present – and every choice has consequences. There is no one else to blame. Thoughts, choices and actions are self-activated.”

He also highlights the damaging stress responses triggered in victims of bullying, including surges in stress hormones, anxiety and impaired rational thinking.

“Bullying diminishes wellbeing immediately and profoundly. But the solution is simple: if you choose not to bully, you won’t be a bully.”

CQUniversity’s Head of Educational Neuroscience Professor Ken Purnell says bullying can produce real harm to its victims, while bullies themselves can learn much from making better choices. 

“Bullying doesn’t just hurt emotionally – it disrupts the brain’s ability to focus and make rational decisions, as stress floods the mind and body,” explained Professor Purnell.

“Every time someone chooses not to bully, they strengthen the brain’s pathways for empathy, self-control and positive behaviour.

“The brain adapts and grows, reinforcing the circuits that support wellbeing and constructive actions.”